After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
