eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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