He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
