dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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