I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
