The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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