garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
