Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
