he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
