You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
