Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
