Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize