I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
