I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
