That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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