I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
