not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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