i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
