You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
