lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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