Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
