Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
