i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
