i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
