ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
