dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
