As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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