South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
