OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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