We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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