I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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