We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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