Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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