So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
