you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
