We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize