once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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