i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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