so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Randomize
