Screwed.edu
It's just like the Real World with babies
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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