So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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