oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
