i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
