Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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