That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
