he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
