i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
