my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
this is an emotional support booty call
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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