Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
