tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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