P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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