Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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