he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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