im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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