she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
