Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
