Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
