I hate all girls vehemently.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
