life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
