You smell like stripper and shame
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
