EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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