Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
