That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
