I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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