I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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