Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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