I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
