their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
