Life is so much better after having sex.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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