He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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