I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
