I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
