I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
