My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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