I would go down on you faster than GM stock
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
