oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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