Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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