I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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